hi. my name is allison, and i'm a perfectionist.
a few weeks ago, i mentioned this to my dad. his response was, 'great! that means you do everything close to perfect, right?' oh, dad. if only.
unfortunately, being a perfectionist means that i won't do anything unless i KNOW that i'm going to do it next to perfectly. and since perfection is both subjective and illusive, this means that i rarely get anything done. and it's driving me crazy!
where does this perfectionist attitude come from? it's difficult to say, but one theory popped in my chaotic head recently. maybe it's from my parents who always said, 'it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do your best.' this sounds encouraging, right? and i'm 100% positive that's the way it was intended. unfortunately, somewhere in my mind i have equated 'my best' with 'perfect.' because if it's not perfect, then clearly i can do better.
this perfectionist thinking is constantly shaping almost everything i do. i wake up most days and think, 'my apartment is a mess! i'm going to make it perfect today!' then, because the task is so overwhelming (and really, what does a perfect apartment look like?!), i give up before i've even started. the next day the apartment is even messier because, during the course of the day, not only did i not do anything to make it better, but i also did things to make it worse: dirtied some dishes for meals, threw clothes on the floor, and tossed papers on the desk to deal with them later. so the cycle starts alllllll over again, except that this time it's worse because there's now even more to do. see the dilemma??
and then there's my latest problem which needs a lot of attention, like, NOW: finding a new job. soooooo many obstacles there. the job search process is chock-full of opportunities for failure! what if they don't like my resume? or worse, what if they like my resume and invite me for an interview and then don't like ME? what if i say something stupid? what if they look at me and think, 'what the hooha does she think she's doing in the design world? go back to higher education, chica!" so much judgment, so much uncertainty, so much risk! clearly i'm not going to go about this in the 'perfect' way, so why bother, right?
DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?!
this cannot continue. the cycle must end.
2 comments:
OR...what if they see your resume and meet you and think "she's perfect for the job!" :)
It's funny you say this because I always thought you were pretty good at attaining perfect (or, fantastic). Your projects were always spectacular and I thought your apartment was perfectly fantastic every time I came over! I also think you're perfectly fun...so I don't think you have to worry about much. Also, you used the word 'hooha' which made me giggle a lot.
I think you're great. Your employers will think you're great. You just have to find the most fantastic job for you and it isn't that those people don't like you, they just know that it isn't the PERFECT job for YOU.
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